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You know I didnt know that I still had so much to work on regarding my past until recently. My ex was coming back to town to visit, and my reaction surprised me. I thought that I had put that all behind me. Since my reaction was so intense..(and not in a good way) I realized I still had unresolved issues.

I realized as well as not trusting him, I dont like him very much. I want to be able to wish him well but I am not to that point yet. I am working on it though, because even though I wont be able to forget, and I never want him back in my life, I do want to be able to forgive, because all it does is hurt me in the long run.

Why is it that we hold on to the bad things and not the good things? I know its a very human thing to do, but it also pisses me off..LOL! I want to be in the present and be able to offer up a full and open heart to those around me, but the past keeps getting in the way.

I know there are reasons for everything. I also learned so much from the man I was with. I also know now what is really important to me, what I can live with and what I cant, what is a deal breaker and what is not and what is right for me and what isnt.

That said: Its hard to get past all that went wrong. Dont get me wrong, I dont want him back; in fact I dont want to have anything to do with him. I just want to be fully free.

I know its better than it was when I heard he was coming back to town, and I have done some hard work on this stuff since then. I also know I have a ways to go.

I just wish it was just a bit easier.

Who I Am

Hey there.. this is my blog. I will be posting all my thoughts, feelings, and dreams as I get ready for my trip this fall. This blog will be unsensored, and it will be a clear reflection of who I am. I am fiesty, honest, wild, out of the box, traditional, loyal, friendly, determined, and I love my friends and family with all my heart.

I am honest about my orentation, beliefs and political views. Some may not like it, but I dont ask they do. All I ask is to respect me, even if you dont believe like I do.

So.. this is my first blog. I am looking forward to many more!